Out, Liberated and Proud… Klay S. Williams

Klay S. Williams

Dear God, I Have A Secret
*By Klay S. Williams


Shhh…conceal it inside.
Shhh…inhalation from within….
Shhh…don’t release the wind…the wind of destruction, separation, and pain…the dressing that covers the bruise of disclosure…the asylum that protects it…your secret.

You’ve moved violently through your limited days, resisting the beast that dwells in your soul…the monstrous fiend of biblical times that hounds the streets of Corinth.

Rock hard feeling…sentiment and sensation pursues the visual physique of the mortal that provides nourishment to your palate of fascination.

Heartbreaking discretion and dutiful murmurs of rejection irk the creature that usher screams inside your body of containment.

Never-ending bliss, lifelong nurturing, sexual aggression, and soundless pain bequeath your heart of embarrassment.

Whispers. Stares. Judgment. Confusion and hate remain in the swagger of your damaged stride. But you gently whisper….

Shhh…conceal it inside.
Shhh…inhalation from within….
Shhh…don’t release the wind…the wind of destruction, separation, and pain…the dressing that covers the bruise of disclosure…the asylum that protects it…your secret.

Mind warp. Twilight Zone. Panic. Protection is found only in the respite of solitude and spiritual regulation from the universe of hallucination. Tender prayers and heartfelt tears of freedom hide the beauty of your shadowed silhouette.

The end. Help. Smother. Your restless nights add maturity to your adolescent body of past perfection and crumpled linen to your hills of collapsed smiles.

Beg. Kaput. Future. The walls of Jericho have finally tumbled down. Armageddon has inaudibly pierced the small crevice between your lips.

Furtive. Hush-hush. Covert. It’s finally out. Ancient times are no more. Contemporary art hangs from the gray wall. Picturesque visions of Black and White surface. Immortal quietness no longer dwells within your clandestine spirit.

Numbness. Fear. Hope.
Shhh…conceal it inside.
Shhh…inhalation from within….
Shhh…don’t release the wind…the wind of destruction, separation, and pain…the dressing that covers the bruise of disclosure…the asylum that protects it…your secret.

I could not have possibly loved myself by hiding behind a secret.
How did I move on and awaken to the fullness of my divinity?

I finally took a true look in the mirror and tried to utter the words, “I love you.” The first month of using this exercise was very difficult, as I did not wholeheartedly believe my words. Nonetheless, I continued every day until the repetitive expressions connected to my soul—until I could literally feel a frequency growing, emitting from my heart. Repetition in any occurrence creates muscle, whether you’re physically working out or expressing a feeling. The more one exercises a muscle of thought or of the body, the more a concrete substance is created. Muscle is a force, a power, and strength. We all have an opportunity to create the experience, life, and person that we would like to become through this important muscle. Whoever says that repetition of thought, affirmations, and awareness do not create reality has unfortunately missed an opportunity to use one of the strongest mechanisms given to us.

You might be wondering, “Well, how did you finally know that you loved yourself?” Several years later I knew, because for once in my life, I did not feel the need to hide my individuality, my sexuality, my specialness, and the unique person that I am. I was proud of myself and felt an overwhelming urge to celebrate the spirit within me. The steel ceiling that had previously entrapped me began to weaken and eventually shattered. The idea of going after my dreams were relived and I was purified as being whole.

I hear the Universe’s melodic rhythm creating new and exciting passageways for me as I move closer and closer to my dreams. I hear and feel a beat so clear that beseeches me to design my own runway in life. People might look at me and want to know the secret to my determination, self-esteem, and powerful stride. It’s simple: The freedom of loving myself. Freedom in loving yourself is one expression that comes without a price tag. The freedom to love, the freedom to receive love, the freedom to share love, the freedom to be love, and the freedom to be in love are all treasures that begin with you.

While we cannot control the mechanism that first triggered thoughts of inner loathing and destruction of love within ourselves, we do have the ability to control our response to the malady that caused it. Despite the pain, “I love me.” Despite the environment, “I love me.” Despite where I am in life, “I love me.” Despite you, “I love me.” What could really change in your life, if one day you decided that you were enough?

*Klay S. Williams, M.Div, is the author of There Is Only Plan A—A Journey Toward Self-Discovery and Renewed Purpose, and co-owner of Harrison Williams, a lifestyle-consulting firm based in New York City. Klay conducts personal and corporate client sessions, workshops, seminars and lectures nationally. Through his leadership and unique philosophy of “There Is Only Plan A,” Klay has unlocked a singular powerhouse where individuals can learn how to live their complete and best life.


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